Happy Birthday Rani

My pillars

This is just a deviation from the official script and tonality I otherwise pursue for this blog.
Primarily, the reason is the date and the fact that the content is close to my heart. I had been mulling for some days, to put it in words - was also thinking whether the act would justify the intensity of my feelings about the subject matter.

Yet, writing this post now, I feel lighter. Maybe its an absolving effect on me - more like a panaceas that may catalyze my channel of thought.

I feel that my write-up must be treated like a tribute to the most important pillars of my life.

3rd August is my grandmother's birthday , whom I lovingly have called Rani all my life.There's a reason for it - I have always found her the most beautiful women to have clapped my eyes on. She's flawless in her essence and all that she'd bestowed on me. I still live in her halo.

I have heard that all strains of voices are captured in ether - never truly lost. I do believe in the existence of angels - which is why perhaps I don't believe she's gone completely.

In fact, it just feels strange to be existing sans my grandparents. The parting was sudden - the pain too real. The absence of their love, guidance and motivation, has left a deep void in my soul. At times, my life feels empty - I feel barren as I have no loved face to turn to.

Returning back home after a hard day of work, I feel as if I'm punched in my gut, on seeing the much loved chair empty or the TV silent. Rani loved her serials while Dadubhai delved into his books.

All I have, are wonderful memories. I live off them - chewing on them , ruminating on them like cud. They spur me, drive me and also sadden me of the loss.

The time spent together - as a big happy family - are images of moments that I'll always cherish. They formed the integral truth of my being- strengthened my core and roots. Home, to me , thus means the film, I see in my mind - time and again.

It feels grey today - like the sky outside. Maybe you both are up there - watching over us...